Sometimes, in complete silence, I sit on the steps to my house taking deep puffs from my slow burning cigarette. I want more than what I know and have. I want the world in every sense of the word. To remember what its like to be next to someone who’s as happy to have you as you are to have them. To smile because doing anything else seems dishonest. To wake up and not dread the day.
I want to live, and to laugh again in that way I use to. So i scheme and plan, ways to make money, ways to get out, ways to remember what its like to be me. The me I like, the me I love. Ways to make grand plans come true and most of all the little ones. Sitting next to someone, in silence, complete blissful silence that shouldn’t be corrupted by the short comings of words.
And so I scheme, and I plan, and I plot but most of all, I quietly hope.