There is a project I really have my heart set on doing. In fact if anyone really knows me they’ve heard me rant on exactly how big I think it can be for me. Would it really be as big as I envision? Probably not but I do think it’s really an outlet I need but it’s hard to do alone and my partner on the issue never has their shit together and instead it just sort of lingers endlessly. It’s an incredibly frustrating thing because I feel last go around when I honestly believed them and their commitment to it I burnt a lot of connections by getting them really excited about the prospect and then just having nothing to show them. Whenever I bring it back up now all I get is an amused response of me talking big again.
And then let’s talk about the zine I tried to make. I just couldn’t because as many pictures as I’ve taken and as much as like so many of them they don’t seem to fit together. I spent hours staring at them and arranging them in every order I could imagine and there seems to be no logical correlation by which i can arrange them. They go together in small groups but when you then put those small groups together its too hectic. I do feel bad because I want to have a finish product and I want to do it. I hate the idea that somehow this would be a reflection of me being lazy but it’s not. I just can’t make it work in any way that i’d feel proud to show all of you.
Basically I have all this fucking creative energy that I can’t put towards anything and most days it makes me hate myself. Lulz.